Comfortable Confidence: Speak like the leader you are
You know your work inside out. You’re confident when you’re doing the work itself but when you’re put on the spot to talk about your work, you shrink or stay silent. You can’t hear yourself think over your racing thoughts. What’s going on?
You may start over-thinking or thinking ahead. You may lose your train of thought or go blank. You might start searching for the “right” words or start over-prioritizing how you’re perceived instead of focusing on what you want to communicate.
If this sounds familiar, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is a common phenomenon. I call it splintered self-expression.
And if you’ve been told you don’t appear “confident” or don’t have “executive presence”, it makes it even harder to not watch yourself, which splinters your presence even more.
You don't want to sound like someone else because it doesn't work. You want to embrace your own voice and express yourself with less effort and more ease.
What’s comfortable confidence?
You feel confident when you’re comfortable but you lose focus (or your train of thought) when you're put on the spot or feel unprepared. Or when you feel like you have to prove yourself. But trying harder to be heard only makes expressing yourself more exhausting and less authentic. Over-working isn't working.
You may think you have to work harder to communicate if you struggle speaking up in groups but that’s not true. You cannot access your confidence when you’re uncomfortable.
You cannot be confident when you’re uncomfortable. It’s just not possible.
You cannot focus when you’re watching yourself, wondering if you’re using the right words to sound professional. You cannot speak from the heart when you are trying to prove yourself.
But when you’re comfortable? You are aligned—brain and body. You are breathing. You don’t have to think about thinking. You don’t get anxious about anxiety.
It’s not your voice. It’s the spaces and places that constrict your ability to express yourself.
Comfortable confidence is about showing up and speaking up like the leader you are in your workplaces and social spaces.
It’s about unlearning habitual fillers and fidgeting and unlocking your voice from anxiety and toxic workplaces.
This is an invitation to come home to your voice. Confidence is your birthright. Don’t let them make you shrink or stay silent.
With comfortable confidence, we handcraft tools to unlock your ability to express yourself with clarity and cohesion in your most important moments so you can speak like the leader you are under pressure.
You're the expert of your voice. My expertise is in creating space for you to define confidence for yourself and handcrafting help you vocalize your vision.
I always struggled speaking up for myself.
I joke that it’s because my mother was a mime (she was!) but I’d shrink or go silent under pressure. I knew my inability to express myself was holding me back but I didn’t know what to do about it.
I was always confident doing the work but the moment I had to talk about the work—or myself—I'd lose my personality (and my train of thought).
I combined my work as a theater director in storytelling and presentation with my day job of thirteen years as a neuropsychological assistant to build tools that helped anchor my attention in the present moment and build confidence by cultivating comfort.
The moment I stopped trying to fix the anxiety (and myself), I started to be present. When I stopped trying to achieve perfection, I could be myself. Learning how to express myself in the present moment saved my life.
I’ve spent ten years helping thousands of compassionate communicators be comfortably confident by combining tools from systems thinking, storytelling, and neuropsychology to create structure in spontaneous moments.
That’s when I realized that my comfort level directly impacted my confidence.
I started to research embodied cognition and hormonal confidence and realized that I was feeding the anxiety by shrinking and speaking fast and making myself small. I started to take up space, pause on purpose, and prioritize my own physical comfort. That’s when things started to change.
Leaning back instead of leaning in helped me stop restricting my ability to breathe. It helped me establish my own space, which would become only more important on Zoom. It prevented me from falling into the Virtual Validation Void and helped me maintain my own power and positioning.
I also started to reframe my focus towards centering the comfort of my audience as well as myself. When I focus on making my audience feel comfortable, it decenters me. For anyone who fears public speaking, it’s essential not to make ourselves the center of attention. What a great trick!
Splintered self-expression
Your confidence comes naturally when you’re comfortable. But under pressure, your attention splinters and you start thinking ahead or over-thinking. When you’re put on the spot with senior leaders, you lose your train of thought or go blank. When you’re asked to talk about your work and impact, you shrink or go silent. You lose your ability to articulate yourself with ease when you stop trusting your ability to express yourself.
Does this sound like you?
You’re a compassionate communicator seeking connection and collaboration but over-prioritizing how you’re being perceived
You’re working hard to get “better” at communicating, but it’s only making you more self-conscious
You feel confident in situations with your team but lose track of your ideas with senior leaders
You’re scripting for meetings and then losing your presence and focus
You know the depths of detail in your work but struggle to share ideas succinctly under pressure
You’ve gotten feedback that you need more confidence or executive presence but find it distracting in the moment
You’re focusing on what words you should use to sound a certain way, especially with senior leaders
You’re being interrupted, talked over, or unrecognized in a toxic environment and want to gain respect while staying true to yourself
Especially if you’ve struggled with off-the-cuff speaking for a while, you may believe you have to work harder to be a better communicator. But over-working and over-thinking can be perpetuating patterns that are detracting from your innate ability to express yourself in the present moment.
That’s why it’s important to remember that you communicate with confidence when you’re comfortable. And all we need to do is access that innate comfort in your most challenging moments.
Using habits instead of vilifying them
Unconscious habits and patterns can lead to over-thinking and anxiety in challenging moments. That’s why we create tools in the moment that are not habitual. We want to create anchors or tools that force us into the present moment.
Let’s make the unconscious conscious
Unlock your natural confidence by:
consolidating our focus in the present moment
cultivating physical comfort for ourselves and others
communicating with clarity by creating structure off-the-cuff
Here’s how it works:
Instead of getting lost in thought (or filler or fidgeting), we consciously focus our attention on something intentional. This distracts the part of our brain that wants to race and run ahead. We give it a job.
The distraction can be anything (my clients come up with the best tools!) but I also handcraft tools on the spot that not only force you into the present moment but happen to improve your hormonal confidence.
We practice not for perfection but for presence so you are comfortable, clear, and present in your most important interactions (which is how you achieve confidence!)
You start to project more confidence because you actually feel more confident. You stop watching yourself or comparing yourself to others because you’ve consolidated your focus on the present moment.
Consciously expressing yourself with concise clarity helps you trust yourself. And that’s the definition of confidence!
We build frameworks for the inevitable return to habitual behavior (we’re human after all!), so that when we do, we can refocus on an intentional tool. Instead of getting sidetracked by beating ourselves up.
We can even craft formulas and frameworks to use off-the-cuff—systems help create structure in spontaneous speaking moments helping you be present.
Comfortable confidence is yours. If you want support accessing yours, check out my custom coaching, group coaching, courses, and team training.
This approach can help you:
Prepare to be put on the spot so you articulate your expertise without over-working
Replace self-doubt and overthinking with embodied focus and ease
Break free from anxiety to improve hormonal confidence when speaking off-the-cuff
Harness fidgeting and filler to improve connection and presence instead of beating yourself up
Strengthen your ability to think on your feet under pressure by using vagal nerve theory to optimize strategic thinking
Create structure in spontaneous speaking moments by using systems thinking to build frameworks ahead of time
Protect your peace in toxic workplaces and social spaces by regulating your nervous system and anchoring your attentionr
The phases of Comfortable Confidence
CONSCIOUS: Get out of your head and focus your attention by turning habits into presence
Channel focus and embodied attention by reducing rapid eye movement and improving eye contact
Harness filler and fidgeting to build presence instead of beating yourself up
COMFORT: Relieve anxiety by aligning brain and body with breath to take up space and take your time
Regulate your nervous system by building hormonal confidence
Build leadership presence by making others comfortable and centering your impact
CLARITY: Organize and articulate ideas with concise cohesion on the spot
Structure ideas succinctly so you get right to the point
Stop scripting and over-preparing to bulid presence and connection
CONFIDENCE: Prepare for the unexpected by creating structure in spontaneous moments
Feel prepared off-the-cuff by building custom frameworks to help you organize your ideas
Build trust in your voice by pivoting with purpose between modes and audiences
Comfortable confidence is already yours. I’m just here to help you access it in your most important moments.
Contact me today to learn more and to access your own comfortable confidence.