The Feedback Filter: How to give feedback with clarity AND compassion
When giving feedback, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice compassion for clarity (or vice versa). Find my tips below for giving feedback in a way that centers their confidence and your ability to be clear.
Are you a well-intentioned manager who wants to give feedback with compassion but end up sacrificing clarity in the process?
Is the fear of hurting feelings getting in the way of you being direct and heard when giving feedback?
Even leaders with the best intentions sometimes have trouble giving feedback in a clear way. Have you ever found yourself wanting to give feedback but then dancing around the very thing that you want to say?
It’s natural to prioritize wanting to be liked. We are all human. But it’s important to recognize this tendency and replace it with something intentional instead.
One of my clients one said that clarity is kindness, and I couldn’t agree more. When we lack clarity when giving feedback, we often end up saying things that are vague and hard to implement. This is not doing a service to the person that you are there to support.
If you are worried about hurt feelings, you are centering your own experience instead of theirs. When giving feedback, you almost always have inherent strength and authority. By dancing around the issue, you are minimizing that strength and authority, and that does not serve you or them.
Instead of focusing on not hurting their feelings, focus on prioritizing their confidence and comfort instead. Prioritize being clear and back it up with opportunities for coaching and support so that they feel able to implement the feedback.
Choosing a filter — any filter — helps us feel more confident and in control, and this also helps us own our inherent authority when giving feedback.
Too many well-intentioned managers don’t own their inherent strength and authority when giving feedback. And this confuses the dynamic and disrupts our ability to be heard and actually support the people who receive the feedback.
When giving feedback, especially when I have more authority and privilege in a situation, I always apply this filter: Will this help them feel confident and comfortable? You can achieve this by being direct and following up with plenty of opportunities for support so that they know how to implement the feedback and feel encouraged to do so.
Not only does the filter center them and their experience, but it elevates my own authority and confidence, because I am giving myself permission to support them.
I then back it up with lots of questions so I can put any next steps or implementation in their own words.
Yes, it is very possible to prioritize both compassion and clarity when giving feedback. But we must a de-center ourselves, especially if we hold privilege and power in a situation.
What helps you be both clear and compassionate when giving feedback? What gets in the way? I would love to know!
What gets in the way of you being clear and compassionate when giving feedback? I would love to know!